Welcome to NextLetter, where Frederik Pferdt helps you become one step closer to your next opportunity.

Two Words That Will Change Your Life

When I was about 15, I really loved judo. I practiced three or four times a week, fasted to make a certain weight, trained younger kids, and earned a brown belt. I was on the brink of earning a black belt when my parents told me about my aunt’s wedding—an all-day affair happening the day before a test that would get me closer to a black belt.

Wouldn’t it be nice, they said, if I skipped judo to spend time with everyone?

“I need to go to the competition,” I told them. But then I thought about my dilemma, and I took the easier path: I said “no” to the competition, which was an hour and a half away, in favor of the celebration.

This internal conflict made me question my priorities. Despite my obsession with judo, I was influenced by the notion of familial commitments and the comfort of avoiding conflict.

The decision was a blend of wanting to please my family and avoiding the discomfort of confrontation. In retrospect, I realize it was a fear of disappointing others and the allure of an immediate, easy solution over a challenging, long-term goal.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that moment marked the end of my judo career, as I only competed a few more weeks after that. I don’t know why it had that effect right then, but I didn’t get back on track and never reached my goal of becoming a black belt in judo. I now suspect that it was because the “no” to judo made life easy. It was far simpler to spend time with my family than it would be to travel to the judo event and put my body through the pain and work of competing. 

And that’s just the way that we’re wired to work: Our brains default to “no” as a way to protect ourselves. It’s easier to do nothing than to do something.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had said “yes” to the test, even if it wasn’t easy, even if it caused family conflict, even if I did what nobody else thought I should.

Today, so many of us often say “no” because it’s simpler to opt out than opt in. In fact, many mainstream messages practically tell you that “no” is a grand tool for self-empowerment. “Set your limits. Boundaries, people. You take care of you!”

Doesn’t the empowerment, though, come from daring to do the things you haven’t?

What I now do instead—and I encourage you to as well—is borrow a technique from improv performers. React to situations, questions, conflicts, and opportunities not with a “no, but,” but with a “yes, and.”

“Yes, and…” opens yourself to opportunities. And that is the core element of what I call RADICAL OPTIMISM, one of the dimensions of a future-ready mindstate. To be clear, radical optimism isn’t about always seeing a glass half full, nor is it a plea to cheerleader your way naively through life (what some have called toxic positivity).

Radical Optimism is about reframing your experiences—changing your problems into positives, seeing opportunities even when there are challenges, and saying yes to things you may be more inclined to say no to.

While it may be our default state to say “no,” the real challenge is to override that immediate impulse–even if it’s just for a few minutes or hours. If you can overcome the autopilot negative response and just try a “yes” when your initial reaction may be “no,” you open yourself up to opportunities, discoveries, and new paths. 

You don’t have to say “yes” forever. You just have to squash out the “no” for enough time to let the “yes” simmer–and see where it takes you. 

In today’s environment, pessimism seems to trump optimism. That is, our default is to be negative, resist change, and guard ourselves from being vulnerable. We need to change that narrative.

Part of having a future-ready mindstate is looking for lessons—before it’s too late.

As it nearly was with one of my close friends…

What’s Really Important Right Now?

A close friend of mine recently trained for a long time for a prestigious mountain bike race in South Africa. Not days. Not months. It was years he hammered away preparing for the rigors of this multi-day event, which covered more than 400 miles of distance and 50,000 feet of quad-quivering climbing.

On the second day of the race, my friend ended up in the hospital and was told his kidneys were operating at 50 percent of their capacity, for reasons he’s not quite sure of. While it could have been a life-threatening situation, he was able to quickly bounce back and complete the race.

But that experience sent him an important message: Do what’s important to you. Now.

When he got home, he bought a used Airstream trailer so he could take his family on more bike trips, and he purchased 48 acres of abandoned land so he could build a farm (along with bike trails) in the Santa Cruz mountains. He wanted to live the way he wanted—in the spirit of his Argentinian farming relatives who really connected with living on land.

And he didn’t want to wait. He wanted to do the things that were important to him–with the people who were important to him.

Sickness is one of life’s greatest teachers. All it takes is a health scare, serious accident, or difficult diagnosis to snap your priorities into clear focus. My friend said that spending time in the hospital made him act on his dreams immediately. His experience ushered his future to his doorstep, and he welcomed it into his life.

That, to me, is radical optimism. He could have come up with many reasons to say “no” to the land or the Airstream trailer. After all, that would be easier.

Instead, he learned very quickly that the future can be a lot closer than you think, especially if you take action right now.

Make Your Future In The Present

I have another friend who was recently in a car accident, was evacuated from the scene by helicopter, nearly died, spent time in a coma, and was left in a wheelchair.

When I pushed his wheelchair for a stroll together, he told me he forgave the woman responsible for the accident and that he was happy to spend quality time with his children during his rehab.

Then he added: “Frederik, I’m doing great, and now I can focus on writing the book I always wanted to.” Talk about radical optimism. 

The dead-bed lesson is a strong one for a reason: No, you probably wouldn’t opt for more Zoom meetings, emails, or DIY caulking projects if you knew you had only a few months—or minutes—to live. But what would you choose—and what if you had more time to live that fully?

Would you choose to live on land or write a book, like my friend? Or would you choose to finish a project you once started, like my black belt? 

To shape your future, you can leap from dreaming about it to acting on it. How?

Make a list of tangible steps you would need to take to make your future happen as quickly as possible, not at some far-off time. If you like, talk about it with a friend or partner to help move it from the screen to real life.

Be specific. Be realistic. Be radically optimistic.

Don’t wait for some unforeseen sickness to be your teacher. And certainly don’t let a default response of “no, but…” stop you.

Live Future Ready

After we watched the movie Yes Day, we decided to do one of our own at home. My wife and I told our children we’d say “yes” to everything. They were quite thrilled at the possibilities.

While my wife and I were somewhat anxious (yes, we handed our oldest our credit card in the toy store), we saw some magic happen. 

Instead of buying up everything, our children defaulted to the family values we had instilled. They chose to spend time together at the beach, then their favorite restaurant, ordering their favorite foods, and then going for ice cream and to a small sweet shop afterwards.

More importantly, they wanted to do this all together. What did they buy at the toy store? Nothing. It was a wonderful day (and not just because we dodged a big credit-card bill), because we all could see possibilities and opportunities and not live under the gray cloud of “no.” 

So here’s your challenge: Take a day and say “yes” to everything that comes your way. Notice what happens, be in tune to new opportunities, and see how your values don’t have to change when you make this tweak in your approach to your kids, your work, or your life. 

The advanced version: Take a day and say “yes, and” to everything to not only say “yes” to every request, but build upon it as well.